So much for being back

the padres lost the NLDS to the wack ass dodgers. my homie M. died on friday the 13th in november. i'm in escrow for a condo, set to close next month my sleeping habits are all fucked up. gained hella weight during this pandemic. struggling to keep my motivation in anything. i've just been staying in trying to keep myself from buying too many unnecessary things online. at the beginning of the pandemic i tried to reach out to some people. and some still reciprocate communication now, but it's few and far between. Honestly, i'm a little scared for when i move into my new place. the isolation of being on my own seems daunting, especially since it's hard for me to reach out and ask for help. also, im not much of a conversationalist, but i still yearn for some type of connection every now and then. things kinda took a dive after the homie passed. i had just seen him three days prior to his surgery. i'm still struggling to accept the fact that he's gone. he would randomly message me memes and send messages and that was helping me get through the day-to-day of working from home during this pandemic. he was a great friend. we were supposed to go on more motorcycle rides together. i was supposed to take your rider out while you were recovering from surgery. we were gonna plan more cruises, see more islander reggae shows, trade craft beer. He will truly be missed. we were totally different people, he was funny and loud and just easy to talk to. made jokes all the time and was just all around a fun guy to be around. i am probably the complete opposite. quiet and introverted. we started our college career at SDSU where we both got on academic probation and eventually had to take alternate routes in higher education. we ended up carpoolling to community college together. he helped break down some walls and get me to open up, which i am truly thankful for. i'm worried that the walls are going back up because of this lack of interaction with anyone. i am thankful for the handful of people that reach out to me and check up on me every now and then, even the homies that hit up the group chat for bdays and holidays. it's hard to keep the connections between people going. I taking the day off tomorrow/today (it's 2am right now). i'm hoping i can reset and recalibrate myself.