I'm back

The novelty of actually writing journal entries on paper is finally fading for me; or it is because of my pre-arthritic hands. Just the thing I need, another reminder that i'm getting old. 2020 sure is a doozy. I am 34 years old. Sometimes i forget that, but then i get one of those reminders from my body, or i look in the mirror and i'm back to being that self-loathing, lonely, emo kid from my younger years. Reading these past entries on here are full of cringe/laughs. A lot of things are different, but some things will never change... Still lonley. Still introspective. Still sadboy vibes. Anyway, i started the process of buying a house, or at least finding out how much house i can afford. i'm hoping my trust for the long-time homie A. isn't misguided. I trust the guy, but i'm alway cautious of mixing business and friends/family. Come to think of it, i'm just weary and cautious of people in general. Maybe that's why i have trouble sleeping. No rest for the weary. ...or is it no rest of the wicked? I've been working from home since March. I've only been to the office a total of four times since this pandemic started. Motiviation and produtivity are definitley taking a hit. at work, working out, relationships, friends. i've never felt more alone. Thank goodness for my family. My sister, brother-in-law, and nephew have been staying here at my parents' house since they are getting their kitchet remodeled. Actually, J. is trying to do all the work himself to save money, so they might be here for a while. It's cool having them around, though, especially my nephew A. he will be turning 2 in December, but he's got an early start on his terrible twos. He's a handful, but i got so much love for that kid. and he's so much fun to be around. i just wish he would start talking already. he knows how to say a handful of words and understands a lot of what we say to him. i'm thankful to be able to see my parents experience the joys (and pains) of having a grandchild. sometimes i wish i could give that to them. I'm hoping i can continue writing here indefinitley. memories fade so easily these days. i will write more i will take more photos i will still experience life during this pandemic. Padres played the Dodgers today in the NLDS. they're down 0-2 in a 5 game series. I'm homing they pull off this miracle winning streak. keeping the faith. also, not keeping the faith in the spiritual sense. i think i'm agnostic. i'm still battling this truth. not following any man-made scripture, just trying to be a good human.