3 months in

it's been three months since i moved into my condo by myself. im pretty much settled in. it's lonely at times but for the most part i enjoy having my own pad and my privacy. money is tight, but im getting by. i still manage to fit the craft beers in. been on a few dates, trying to get back into the swing of things and interacting with people. it still goves me anxiety tbh. still miss the homie M. that passed away last november. i wish he couldve saw my pad. i wish i could still ask him for advice and just chill with him and relate to being a single dudes at our age. i dont think im built for relationships. and that scares me. i wish i had more game when i was younger, but i cant be who im not, this is just me. i know because i didnt love myself and had so many insecurities i didnt see the love that was right in front of me. i missed a lot of opportunity to build relationships with girls, but just didnt have it in me to let my guard down. im still working on it. i wonder if ill die alone or ever find love.