i havent visited my grandpa in a week. i know i should. i want to, but every time i see him, i can't help but think, 'is this the last time im going to see him alive?'

the whole situation with my family doesnt help the whole visiting situation. i wish my dad and his siblings could just get it together and put their pride aside. if i only knew how to help, i would. i guess everything is easier said than done. but all this shit is getting old. and its putting a strain on the relationships within the whole family.

i still can't believe it. i guess i just dont want to believe or acknowledge the mortality of my family. i've never imagined losing anyone in my family until my grandma passed away. i guess there's a time in everyone's life where death becomes a reality and becomes something you have to address or at least cope with.

Praying for my family..