08/19/2008

my grandfather is dying.

wow, thats the frist time i've consciously said that.
this whole situation is hard to deal with. not just my grandpa's health, but how my family is reacting to it. some are in denial, for some this has acted as a catalyst to spark old grudges, some people don't know how to react.

its just crazy to realize how fucked up your family really is.
its crazy how situations like this can really bring out the best and worst in people. its seems, though, that its only bringing out the worst in my family.


i don't even want to believe that this is happening. i've been lucky enough to have my grandpa in my life for as long as i can remember. and to me he's always be a "superman," a role model, the patriach of the family. it's hard enough that my grandma passed away back in december. it's hard to imagine both of them being gone. For some reason i still believe that my grandfather can get through this and get better. he's always been the strongest one in our family. but now i can only hope and pray for him. i'd hate to be selfish and wish he could stay with us longer, but then again, i'd hate to see him in pain.


i hate writing, because i always lose my train of thought. i have so much running through my mind i can't type fast enough to get everything down. i always end up stopping and just letting my mind run, almost in a day dream. but i feel that this is the only way i can get all this out, besides praying and talking to God. its hard for me to open up to people. i wish i could just talk to someone i know about this. its been a tough year...